With me coming to the birth center so late in the game, they saw me once a week so I could meet everyone and get comfortable in the environment. My estimated due date came and went, and they never once scared me into getting induced. They assured me baby was doing fine, and it was perfectly normal to go past the due date. By the time labor started, I was so comfortable with the center and the staff, I knew I had nothing to worry about. My birth plan was easy, since everything I cared about they already advocated. I can’t tell you what a blessing that was. I was truly able to just relax, and be in the moment with the labor. The night before I went into labor, it was getting close to going two weeks past my due date so my husband put on some labor inducing dance videos. I did those, and played beat saber (a virtual reality game) with his kids. I genuinely believe that kicked things into gear! The next day I walked around Town Center with the kids while their dad got a haircut. I was feeling crampy, but I wasn’t sure if this was real labor. I called my sister to let her know, and she told me she had a feeling this was “it”. Early that evening, things started to get more serious, but I was walking around the house, tidying up a bit. My sister came over around six, and we chatted and I cut up a watermelon that we snacked on, all the while I was taking breaks to lean over the sink and sway back and forth with a contraction. Abram left to get us all a coffee, and Hollie kept watch over me, holding my phone with the contraction timer. We visited in the living room, drinking coffee, and I would get quiet suddenly and sway through a contraction. At one point I laid down on the floor. I discovered early that I did not like being touched, which I did not expect. Hollie gives the best back rubs, and I’ve heard stories of laboring women wanting their feet rubbed, or their hips pushed together, etc. but I did not want to be touched at all.
Labor was starting to pick up, and the moment I knew it was serious was when I went to the bathroom by myself. It was dark and quiet in there. I sat on the toilet with the light off, and I grabbed my hand towel and just clenched it against my face. I just wanted to stay there, clutching my hand towel in the dark. I remember my mind was racing, trying to grasp something I could hold on to. The last few months of my pregnancy, I would sit with notecards I had written encouraging scriptures on, trying to memorize them for labor. I could not remember a single one, and I felt a little panicked. In that moment, alone in the dark bathroom, I heard Jesus speak to my heart, “my peace I give to you.” I felt it deep in my soul, and in that moment, I felt peace and calm. I knew with every fiber of my being that I could do this. From this point on, I am not sure of the chain of events. Abram and Hollie ended up in there, and I think I labored for a bit leaning and swaying over the sink, still clutching my towel. They called the midwife, and we started getting everything together to move to the car. I had been laboring in my husband’s underwear and t-shirt, and at the time I did NOT want to change. Looking back, I kind of wish I had, because I did not look cute. Ha! But I was comfortable.
Laboring in the car was not fun. I kneeled on a pillow in the back seat, leaning forward on the seat. I had several contractions in the car, my husband driving as fast as he could without jostling me too much. We got to the birth center around nine, and Stefanie met us outside. I knew it was her by her voice, at this point, I did not want to open my eyes. The contractions were intense. Once we got inside, I made a beeline for a small side table. I swayed there for a while, still clutching my towel, which Hollie wisely insisted I bring. And then I was gone to “labor land”. Time went by both slowly and quickly. During my pregnancy, I was voraciously reading birth stories and articles, searching for an adequate description of what labor actually feelslike. Most could articulate that it is painful, but some books don’t even like describing it in terms of pain, but rather intensity. I could never find anything that adequately answered my question. I was determined to remember the sensations so I could describe it to any mothers I met in the future, but, truly, I have forgotten all about the pain, or intensity, or discomfort, or whatever it is you want to call it. I know it was intense, but the only sensation I can remember is the “ring of fire”, when the baby’s head was crowing. A very sharp feeling of being ripped open, the crux of all the intensity coming to a head (literally) , with relief right around the corner. It was terrifying, and amazing.